The Indochina Adventure, Part 3: Hoi An and Hue

Day 5 (cont.)

We hopped onto the first of many terrifying internal flights. 

(I HATE FLYING)- I understand that it allows you to travel huge distances that would normally take days in just mere hours, but I honestly don't understand how ANYONE can get into a tiny metal death trap of an airplane and possibly be able to relax...especially when that plane has propellors. I don't do prop planes.

By some miracle we landed safely in Danang and met up with our guide, Vien.  He was by far the most knowledgeable guide of our trip and spoke English really well. The driver took us straight to our hotel, which was the NICEST place I have ever stayed in. The Buhlers travel in style, that's for sure. The place was called the Nam Hai, and it was right on the beach in the city of Hoi An, Vietnam.

We were taken by golf cart to our villa, which consisted of three separate buildings: two bedrooms and a central living room. There were more couches in this place than I can even begin to explain. In our bedroom alone, there were three couches inside and two on the porch outside.  Now would be the time for me to explain that we also had our own private pool, as well as our own PRIVATE BUTLER.

Whoa whoa whoa, WHAT? OUR OWN BUTLER???

Yep, that's right. His name was Quynh, pronounced like "win."  He was the best butler anyone could ask for.  He loaded up our fridge with complimentary goods each day, and when he saw that Katie and I especially liked the Toblerone bar left in there, he put TWO Toblerones in the next time he restocked us.  He also drew us some pretty impressive pictures of Vietnam and gave us each a mini lantern on our last day. But I'm getting ahead of myself...

So anyway, the Nam Hai was the best. It was just what we needed after three days of sweating our brains out in the heat on the sampan boat.  Here's the thing though. It was definitely a romantic setting, and this was the kind of stuff that Katie and I had to deal with pretty much everywhere we stayed throughout our trip. You'll see what I mean.

Here are some pictures we snapped of our beautiful hotel:

 The pool(s) and the ocean

 Gorgeous private beach

 One of the five couches, plus a bathtub in the bottom left corner (Romantic setting I tell you)

 Our lovely twin beds that were pushed together and surrounded by romantic drapes

 I wish I could live here permanently

Our diet consisted largely of Toblerones and cashews for the three days we stayed here. Quynh hooked us up with plenty of both every day!

We were able to relax for a bit before going into the city.  Quynh offered to go into town with us to show us around.  He told us about this really good place to eat dinner that offered both traditional food and western food.  All four of us ate at this really nice restaurant for less than $20!  Vietnam was so CHEAP.  Even though Hoi An was filled with tourists, the prices of things really didn't increase noticeably.  The city of Hoi An is especially beautiful at night because they are famous for their colored lanterns and their tailors.  You could have clothes custom-made in just a few hours for pretty cheap!

After we had had our fill of shopping (Reed had had his fill after about five minutes, but we dragged him around for about an hour and a half) we jumped back in the shuttle to our hotel, where Katie and I found our room looking like this:

Yes those are lit candles and the drapes have been pulled around the bed. We also had our slippers laid out for us on either side of the bed (Katie had been given the men's pair)

I'll just keep telling myself they do this for all the guests, not because they thought we were lesbians and wanted a romantic setting.

It didn't help that I was always introduced by Katie's mom as her daughter's "friend and roommate," which doesn't sound strange in the US, but who knows how that translates in other countries.

Day 6

Woke up early to get ready for our snorkeling tour!  We were taken to the docks where we boarded a motor boat to take us out to the Cham Islands just off the shore of Hoi An.  The boat ride was about twenty minutes, and we were the only white people aboard.  Everyone else was from an Asian country, and despite it being in the high 80s with unimaginable humidity, they were covered up in sweaters, socks, and scarves.  It made me overheat just looking at them.

We arrived on the main island, where they took us around the small village and showed us how the people live there.

The island was gorgeous!  It was also a pretty lively place, with a lot of people walking, biking, and even riding motorcycles.

We then got on our snorkeling gear and went out to see some fish!

We were out for about a half hour, then we looked up and saw that we were the only ones still in the water (apparently the other foreigners don't enjoy snorkeling as much as Americans do) so we hopped back in the boat and headed for the shore, where we were able to relax for a few hours on the beach.

I like this picture for three reasons:

1. I am with one of my best friends on one of the most beautiful beaches in one of the most incredible places in the world.

2. I am holding a People magazine, which means I was getting the updates on the latest celeb news (Khloe Kardashian says divorce is not an option. Good for her!)

3. That girl sitting in the sand behind us was from Russia. She was having the best time taking glamour shots almost the entire day, and it was pretty entertaining. Glad we got her in the background of this one.

Eventually we had to leave the gorgeous beach and return to our hotel.  Quynh had restocked our Toblerones, so we weren't that upset about it.  Plus, we found out that they give all the guests at the hotel a complimentary spa treatment, so we made appointments for a massage!

Yet another reason this was a great honeymoon spot...

Katie and I were put in the same room, and it was clear that the room was meant for a couples massage.  They had to go get another women's sarong to give us because they only had one women's and one men's one.  Plus Katie was given slippers that were like a men's size 11.

Then it was back into town for more shopping!  I won't bore you with the details of that...

Day 7

Katie woke up feeling really sick, so we decided to take the day off.  No complaints here!  We relaxed around the pool and watched some movies, and Katie's parents made appointments for us at the spa to get facials!  I had never had one before, but I can honestly say that if I ever get rich, I will immediately add that to my list of things to do once a week.  It was fabulous.  

We also walked the private beach and took some pictures around the resort.

 We love to take urban shots.  For those of you who don't know what urban shots are, go grab an Urban Outfitters catalog. I don't know how it started, but we've been doing it for years.  The carvings just outside our villa gave us inspiration for some new urban poses.

 The beach was BEAUTIFUL!

Katie does yoga poses too. Another trendy thing we did a lot on this trip.

Day 8

We had to be up early to say good-bye to Quynh and get on our way to Hue.  Quynh had packed us lunches with two more Toblerones!  He was literally the nicest guy ever.  We managed to coerce him into taking a picture with us before we left:

The drive to Hue was about 2 or 3 hours (I don't quite remember), but it was stunning the entire way.

We were taken to the old imperial city in Hue.  A lot of it had been destroyed during the war, but they were making efforts to restore it.  It was so HOT that I thought I was going to die.

I didn't have anything clean to wear that day, so I had thrown on some cotton pants thinking they would breathe. They didn't.  

My solution: grab the first thing I find at the top of my suitcase.

Good news: It was a skirt

Bad news: It was a patterned skirt and I had on a striped shirt.

Stripes on patterns is fine when you're in a third world country right?

*Special thanks to Kellen Gunner, who taught me how to make this face and pose like this.

Here are some pictures I snapped at our visit to the Imperial City:

We had a little too much fun taking imitation pictures. Can I just mention that Katie was the MVP of her powderpuff football team? This photo of her depicts the real winner she is:

We were told that everything would have been red in its prime. This was one of the buildings that was in the process of being restored. Aren't the colors striking?

What a cool place!

After lunch at a nearby restaurant, we headed to a monastery with our guide.  We just HAD to snap a few urban shots in front of the pagoda. By this time, I would say we had mastered some new urban poses...

The monastery we visited was right next to the Perfume River, so we stopped to snap a picture.

More imitations...more pictures of my terrible outfit for the day. 

(Fake Tevas, yuck)

At the monastery we saw several Buddhas in new poses. These were three of my faves:

After visiting the monastery we cruised down the Perfume River in a dragon boat to our hotel, which was located right on the water's edge. 

The hotel was no Nam Hai (no personal butler this time), but it was still pretty nice.

The first thing Reed wanted to do when we arrived was hit the spa...By this time he had turned into a bit of a spa junkie, but no complaints here!  Thinking that we had just had a massage and a facial, Katie and I wanted to try something different...

And now for some thoughts about rich people and the spa.

If I am ever rich, I will definitely go to the spa as much as possible. It's a great place. I've never had a massage I didn't thoroughly enjoy (P.S. If you want a cheap massage, Indochina is the place to go).  And this is the part where I talk about how I have this tendency to branch out into the unknown in a lot of aspects in my life. For instance, I like to try new things in restaurants. Even if I have a favorite dish that I KNOW is good, I'll pick out something new each time I go just for the sake of trying something different.

What I recently discovered: The spa is NOT the place to do this. Stick to what you know when it comes to the spa menu. Now if you do happen to visit Vietnam one day (like I did) and the spa treatments cost waaaaay less than they do in the states (which they will), then feel free to go for whatever treatment you'd like, but don't be disappointed if it doesn't turn out to be as wonderful as you had hoped (like I was).

I'm going to say that Katie convinced me to do it.  We probably both decided on the treatment together, but I'm going to blame her for this one. 

KATIE decided that a full body scrub and mud wrap sounded like a rich person's treatment, and since we aspire to be Blair Waldorf and Serena Van der Woodsen every day of our lives (for those of you who don't know who these women are, shame on you! Google them!) KATIE said we should try it.

Sparing some minor details, here is what happened:

I was instructed to lie on the table completely naked while they scrubbed me down with an exfoliating scrub. This was no gentle exfoliation. The woman scrubbed every surface of me (including buttcheeks...uncomfortable to say the least) then told me to wash off in the shower. After all my skin had been scrubbed raw, she covered me in warm mud (again, every surface), then wrapped me up completely in plastic with only my head peeking out.

She then proceeded to give me a completely UNRELAXING scalp/face massage.

First off, she used no lotion for my face, so it felt like she was just yanking my skin all over the place. Not pleasant. The only thing I can think about this part of the treatment is that she was trying to get my chi in order, and from what ensued, it must have been way out of whack.

She started making dusting motions all across my face and head and then began to full on pound my scalp with her fists. 

Meanwhile I'm thinking about how the spa is supposed to be relaxing, and I'm sitting here slathered in mud and cocooned in plastic wrap while a tiny Vietnamese woman pounds my head with her hands. 

Then I started thinking that maybe I just got the crazy employee who has her own way of doing things.

But this idea was thrown out a few seconds later when I heard similar pounding noises coming from Katie's table on the other side of the room. Maybe the two employees were in on this together?

At this point I about lost it, and it took everything I had not to burst out laughing. I think I was shaking from trying to hold it in.

They finished up the unrelaxing face/scalp massage by taking small chunks of my hair and briskly yanking them at the root of the hairs. Still trying to align my chi maybe? I have no idea. 

What I learned from this experience: I WILL NEVER GO FOR A BODY SCRUB AND MUD WRAP EVER AGAIN, AND I WILL ADVISE EVERYONE I KNOW TO JUMP OFF THE TABLE AND RUN AS FAR AWAY AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN IF THEY EVER BEGIN TO EXFOLIATE YOUR BUTTCHEEKS AT THE SPA.

Moving on.

We headed into the city of Hue on rickshaw bicycles!

Here are Reed and Laura on theirs:

Katie and I went on one of these things together and the poor man really struggled to get us moving.

The city was full of great shops though! Katie and I bought matching silk robes (one for our roommate Jessi too), so that we can feel like rich people that spend a day at the spa once a week.

To be continued